The epic tale of Decoy Otis
Incorporating many things of interest to those wishing to know
more about the legend.
Decoy Otis. The name itself smacks of majesty, splendour and glory.
Named Decoy in homage to the late, great Decoy Octopus and Otis, after the legendary
West Indian cricketer, Otis Gibson, he is one of the founding members of LTJ
(the other co-founding members are, of course, Solid Gap and Slightly Crunchy
Spawned from the depths of the hell that is 'Wales' in the year
1980, Decoy has struggled vainly through fifteen years of travels to shed
this disability, one which no child should have to endure. Sadly, this unfortunate
fact never fails to come back and haunt him.
During these travels, much wiseness was gained and many epic adventures were
enjoyed, adventures including the strange and hellish events of Demascos point and (with
Solid) the constant battle versus the hellish Banshee Carotte.
|During the early years of his life, he became an unwilling fashion guru to the Welsh people.
Paparazzi would employ the use of six-foot lenses to catch a glimpse of 'What he is wearing', and
the populace would travel far and wide to see the wondrous event of Decoy wearing his tights.
When Decoy was feeling particularly evil towards the masses, he would wear an outfit similar to the one
shown. Tights, hopefully with many holes; cardigan of supreme quality, also with holes, preferably;
shoes/boots/clogs of plastic construct or oldie style; and, of course, a suitably classy hairstyle, preferably a bowl-cut.
As you can see, there appears to be a small child worshiping him from afar and probably planning
how best to demand similar clothing from her parents.
Sadly, as Decoy no longer resides in the land of bog dwellers, he no longer delights us with his
choice of attire. There was much rejoicing.
|Passing through (say 2 to 3 years) the lands known to some as 'South-west
Europe', he became a member of the underground 'Sandfighters' and battled his way
to upper echelons of the sport. Typically played on the beach (although a large area
covered in sand or dirt is just as good), the sport can be perhaps most enjoyed during
a holiday, where no-one knows who you are and an easy getaway (in the event of a tricky
situation such as the sudden death of the opponent) is readily available in the form of
coming back to your home country. This vicious pastime, involving much of
the skills of a wrestler and various martial arts (including Sumo), is banned in most countries,
but is still practised covertly by many. It was here that Oschenstiker manoeuvre
saw it's first light. Decoy still [bears] the scars to this day.
Decoy did plan to form an association of Sandfighers, but strangely, could not find many takers.
|One of Decoy's more famous abilities, is his look of unrivalled stupidity, which
is now very much a legend. The 'look' was born in a Sainsbury's photo
booth; Decoy was posing for a photo when the light of the flash reacted
strangely with the slackness of his lower lip and caused his whole face
to assume a state which has been known to scare and even shock people into losing
their memory. Therapy was used and he is much better now, though he has
been known to sleepwalk on occasion with similar effect and therefore has been responsible for many 'alien
abduction' stories when people mysteriously loose their memory.
Bored one day, Decoy became a trainee superhero. Known as 'Baneman',
he soared the sky's with his 'brethren', the companionship of four.
Animal (Captain Golden), Decoy Otis (Death! Death to the unbelievers!), Deranged Lemon (Demon Graft), and Timmah (The Happy Chappie)
Note: the matching codpieces.
Unfortunately the joys of flight overcame him and he never managed to actually
rescue anyone or solve any crimes, as he barely stopped flying to consume sustenance. Much to
his disappointment, he did not even manage to rescue a single damsel or scantily
clad maiden, not even any of those in distress. Much gloom followed and he gave
this up for the thrills of hurling oneself down slow-clad mountains with a large
plank of wood strapped to ones feet.
Decoy is currently alive and is pursuing the never-ending search
for some sort of vague knowledge about something and is currently doing this
on the sunny campus of York University.