LTJ Health Farm

The LTJ Health Farm is set in 15 acres of beautiful Hertfordshire countryside just off the M25. It is the perfect place to unwind, detox and relax. Just let our team of highly trained health and beauty technicians pamper you into submission

We have a wide ranging variety of state of the art and traditional treatments for your pleasure.

Nasal Cavity Cleansing

In the hustle and bustle of modern city life it can be hard to breath with all the pollution, which is why it is important to have your nasal cavities cleaned on a regular basis. Our unique formula of prominothitic yoghurt and hydrocloric acid gently burns away unwanted pollutants.

The treatment soothes and opens up your sinuses burns away nostril hairs and excess skin

"I love the freshness and the feeling of freedom that nasal cleansing gives me."

MR P FEIST, NEWCASTLE

Mulch Pool

The natural daily build up of mulch around the pancreas and bowels causes poisonous gasses to build up in the stomach leading to abdominal cavity grout and arthritic spasms. However a prolonged soak in our mulch pool, will alleviate such problems.

The mulch pond is cooled to 5 degrees to enable all your bone mulch to gradually and naturally leave your body.

"I feel so much better without all that mulch inside of me and I know that this revolutionary technique is the only reason I have never had a serious problem with abdominal cavity grout."

MRS C BUSS, KENT

 

Ventricular Irrigation

Six months after his first treatment Mr Gulash Magasanti returned to thank our doctor who treated him and have another course of treatments.

Everyone needs to keep their ventricles clean and healthy. Research shows that draining three pints of dirty used blood from the ventricles and replacing it will 10 liters of freshly squeazed organic apple juice boosts crucial red blood cell production by an average 40%.*

 

Potato peal facial scrub

We use only the skins of the finest marie piper spuds to naturally remove the toxicity in your felsh via osmosis.

The potasium sorbet in the potatoes reacts with the bodies natural resources of agrobactirium and triglicerine to improve skin tone, texture and gently scour away unwanted dead skin cells

"My wife finds me so much more attractive since I started using potato on my face."

MR P STONE, BOURNEMOUTH

 

Executive Restaurant

Our luxury restaurant serves some of the most delicious, exotic and nutritious foods.

A typical menu might be:

Radish and lavender cordial (Two great sources of H2O to lubricate the whole body)

Rabbit splean soup (Best source of carbon-mono-methelyn known strengthens eye brows),

Shrub Compot with Camomile Tagliateli (Tastes nice with grated cheese on top)

Woodlice fudge (all the taste of fudge but with all the benefits of wood lice)

Prune and aubergine souflette (even more pleasurable and easy to get out of your system than to ingest

Any death threats? Hate mail? Then E-Mail: LTJ
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