The book of Gap
Gap. His teachings spawned a tremendous following throughout
the Rimmersgard continent and his disciples passed down his teachings aurally
for thousands of years. These teachings were later inscribed in a tome entitled...
'The Book Of Gap'.
(In some of the more outlandish parts of Rimmersgard, it was also known as The
Book Of Solidness.)
The following are extracts from the book of Gap, many of which
hold true today...
Left is a picture of Gapish scholars debating the meaning of the ancient
Rimmersspakk text, and translating some of the wisdom from the book. .
"And the people spaketh unto the Gap, 'Give
us a sign...'. And Gap spake, 'If you stew cranberries like apple sauce,
it tastes more like prunes than rhubarb does.' And there was much rejoicing."
"And he did expound unto the
people: 'Your stupidity refreshes and cleanses me like a babbling mountain
stream.' And lo, they too were cleansed."
"...for the wise one said unto
the gap, 'if thou wishest to carry a hungry weasel in thine pocket, that
is thine choice'. And the Gap spake unto the wise one, 'Yay for it is
of the goodings'..."
"Yay, as the flea is liken to
an oxen so is the privet hedge liken to a botanist, black in thy sight
Left: His disciples in traditional gownage.
"...the wise one - who shall
remain nameless - said unto the Gap 'thou shall go forth and spreadith
the word of Gap'. And so it came to pass that the gap went forth unto
the people, and he spreadith of the word, and lo, there was a great wailing
and gnashing of teeth..." That was an extract from the book of gap,
chapter 34, the hanging of the wise one
"Lo, for high above on yonder
hill shall ye find Dodman of the Brockings. And whenst thou findest him
there, so shall thy cup overflow with the finest herbatory, but it shall
tasteth of thrice kane."
Right: Gapish scholars at a conference.
"The day shall come when the
quaine horsemen shallst trample upon thine nostrils, and we will be made
"Thine olives shall be without blemish..."
"For Gap, our poodles have been sacrificed.
Therefore, let us keep the feast... with the unleavened bread of sincerity
"...and the Gap came down upon
him like a gaggle of ostriches and did cleave his head like a ripe melon."
'Yeagle, for, as surely as the lama
sheathes his pogo-stick, so shalt peace come upon the world.'
Right: The first coming of the Gap foretold by the high
preistess of Rimmersgard.
'Come to me, and thou shalt be
blessed with my protection for evermore, but should thou cross me, thou shall
be crushed by an everlasting plague of hells giblets.'
Thus spake the Gap...