The book of Gap

Gap. His teachings spawned a tremendous following throughout the Rimmersgard continent and his disciples passed down his teachings aurally for thousands of years. These teachings were later inscribed in a tome entitled... 'The Book Of Gap'.


(In some of the more outlandish parts of Rimmersgard, it was also known as The Book Of Solidness.)

The following are extracts from the book of Gap, many of which hold true today...

Left is a picture of Gapish scholars debating the meaning of the ancient Rimmersspakk text, and translating some of the wisdom from the book. . .

"And the people spaketh unto the Gap, 'Give us a sign...'. And Gap spake, 'If you stew cranberries like apple sauce, it tastes more like prunes than rhubarb does.' And there was much rejoicing."

 

 

"And he did expound unto the people: 'Your stupidity refreshes and cleanses me like a babbling mountain stream.' And lo, they too were cleansed."

"...for the wise one said unto the gap, 'if thou wishest to carry a hungry weasel in thine pocket, that is thine choice'. And the Gap spake unto the wise one, 'Yay for it is of the goodings'..."

"Yay, as the flea is liken to an oxen so is the privet hedge liken to a botanist, black in thy sight oh lord."

Left: His disciples in traditional gownage.

 

"...the wise one - who shall remain nameless - said unto the Gap 'thou shall go forth and spreadith the word of Gap'. And so it came to pass that the gap went forth unto the people, and he spreadith of the word, and lo, there was a great wailing and gnashing of teeth..." That was an extract from the book of gap, chapter 34, the hanging of the wise one

"Lo, for high above on yonder hill shall ye find Dodman of the Brockings. And whenst thou findest him there, so shall thy cup overflow with the finest herbatory, but it shall tasteth of thrice kane."

 

Right: Gapish scholars at a conference.

 

"The day shall come when the quaine horsemen shallst trample upon thine nostrils, and we will be made glad."

"Thine olives shall be without blemish..."

"For Gap, our poodles have been sacrificed. Therefore, let us keep the feast... with the unleavened bread of sincerity and crust."

"...and the Gap came down upon him like a gaggle of ostriches and did cleave his head like a ripe melon."

'Yeagle, for, as surely as the lama sheathes his pogo-stick, so shalt peace come upon the world.'

 

Right: The first coming of the Gap foretold by the high preistess of Rimmersgard.

 

'Come to me, and thou shalt be blessed with my protection for evermore, but should thou cross me, thou shall be crushed by an everlasting plague of hells giblets.'

Thus spake the Gap...

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